airplane jokes

Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can be aggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with an enormous bag.

The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, but the woman argued that her bag was a carry-on because it had wheels and a handle.

Without blinking the attendant said, "My Ford has wheels and a handle, but that doesn't make it a carry-on."

On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it.

"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly.

The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head:

"...underwater."

At a packed airport ticket counter all ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. A man toward the end of the snaking line of passengers was obviously impatient and very frustrated at having to wait so long.

He finally decided to march right up to the counter, pulling his wheeled suitcase, and demanded that he be given his boarding pass. The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took a shallow, deep breath and said, "Sir, as you can see there are many passengers ahead of you. We are doing our best to process the passengers as fast as we can. I'm afraid you'll have to get back in line."

Outraged and red in the face, the man yelled at the ticket agent saying, "Do you know who I am ???!!!"

The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took another shallow, deep breath, picked up the microphone and said calmly, "There is a man at the ticket counter who does not know who he is. Anyone who knows him please help us."

The man quietly returned to the back of the line.