A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.
Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we have no power. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock... If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours... If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells... If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3... and if it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
There is a Rookie Pilot and CoPilot and they are coming in for a landing, the Pilot says, "Damn that runway is small give me 1/4 flaps".
As they get closer the Pilot says, "Damn that's a small runway, give me 1/2 flaps."
As they're coming in closer the Pilot again says, "Damn that's a small Runway Give me Full Flaps."
After they land the Plane safely the Pilot says, "That's the smallest runway I've ever landed on."
Then the CoPilot says, "Yes it is, but look it how wide it is."