airplane jokes

"This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

That's me, the copilot, and one of the stewardesses. This is a recording."

Two skydivers, Harold and Lester, jumped out of the plane and were having a conversation on the way down.

Lester: "I was in a hurry this morning, and I can't remember if I asked you to pack my chute for me."
Harold: "I've been pretty forgetful myself. I'm lucky I remembered to pack mine."

Lester: "Wait a minute. You mean I forget to ask you to pack my chute for me?"
Harold: "No, silly. You didn't forget to ask me to pack your chute. I'm the one who actually forgot to pack your chute!"

Lester: "Phew! Thank goodness, for a minute there I thought I was losing my mind!"

What kind of sandwiches do they serve in the airline lounge?

Club Sandwiches

A plane is on its final approach into an airport. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Captain Martin. We're now on our final descent. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay."

He forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, what are you doing today?"

Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation. "Well," says the captain, "first I'm going to check into the hotel and brush my teeth. Then I'm going to ask the new stewardess out for dinner."

Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, an elderly lady grabs her by the arm to stop her, leans over and says, "No need to run, dear, he's gotta brush his teeth first."