A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"
103 passengers and only 40 meals got loaded on a INDIA to US flight.
The Airline had messed up, and the crew was in a fix. However, one smart flight attendant has an idea. About 30 minutes into the flight she nervously announces, "I don't know how this happened but we have 103 passengers and only 40 dinners.".
When the passengers muttering had died down she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his/ her meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free unlimited liquor during the entire duration of the flight.".
Her next announcement came an hour and a half later, "if anyone wants to change his/her mind we still have 40 dinners available!".
Rajiv and Priya are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later, Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, “Priya, did we pay our deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?”
“No, sweetheart” she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Priya, did we pay our ICICI Bank Mastercard yet?”
“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,” she says.
“One last thing, Priya. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,” begged Priya. “I didn’t send that one, either.”
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Priya pulls away and asks him, “So, why did you hug me?”
“Rajiv answers, “They’ll find us!”