airplane jokes

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane...... The lady said to him ' Can you help me remove something from my breast please? ‘The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?' "Your Eyes, idiot!"

A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the flight attendant asks what they would like to drink. "Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot. The businessman orders a coke.
After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!" The fight attendant runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty. Half an hour later the fight attendant makes a second round. The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke. Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper. The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"
Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."

7 ways to annoy a flight attendant...

1- Bring your pet on the plane and then act like an animal.
2- Shove your bag into the first bin you see and then walk to your seat in the back of the plane.
3- Think that because you’re on a plane you’re of duty as a parent.
4- Drag on an oversize bag that's too heavy to lift by your self.
5- Gripe that you haven't been seated in the roomy exit row seat.
6- Act like you don't know the meaning of the words "under the seat in front of you".
7- Whine about the high cost of flying...

It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the
flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?'
Greg asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.