To the irritation of the judge, a man was trying to be excused from jury duty. "Tell me," began the judge, "is there any good reason why you cannot serve as a juror in the trial?"
The man replied, "I don't want to be away from my job that long."
"Can't they do without you at work?" demanded the judge.
"Yes," admitted the juror. "But I don't want them to realize it."
Two newlyweds quickly realized their marriage wasn't working and filed for a divorce. The judge asked them what the problem was.
The husband replied, "In the five weeks that we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on a single thing."
The judge turned to the wife, "Have you anything to say?"
She answered, "It's been six weeks, your honor."
A man walked into a bar with a banana on his head. As he served him, the bartender said, "Look, I don't know if you realize this, but you've got a banana on your head."
"That's okay," said the man. "I always wear a banana on my head on Tuesdays."
"But today's Wednesday," said the bartender.
"It's not, is it?" groaned the man. "Oh no! I must look like a complete idiot!"