airplane jokes

On a recent flight to Chicago it seemed that all the departure times were coming and going.

I inquired to the ticket agent, "What good are the departure times?"

"Well," began the genial agent, "if it weren't for those posted departure times we'd have no way of finding out how late we depart."

It was the man’s first trip by airplane. He was frightened and nervous. As the engines began to roar, he gripped the arms of his seat, closed his eyes, and counted to one hundred.

When he opened his eyes he looked out of the windows. “See those tiny people down there,” he said to the woman sitting next to him, “don’t they look like ants?”

“They are ants,” the woman said. “We haven’t left the ground yet.”

A pedantic bore forced a conversation with a fellow passenger on a coast to coast flight, and made a great parade of his knowledge. The passenger listened as long as he could. Looking at him gravely, he said, "My friend, you and I know all that there is to know."

"How is that?" asked the bore, pleased with what he thought was a complimentary association.

"Well," began the traveler, "you know everything there is to know except that you are a bore, and I know that."