Granddaughter: Grandpa, I thought you were going to buy concert tickets for my birthday.
Grandpa: I asked if you'd mind if I bought the tickets and you said yes so I didn't buy the tickets.
Granddaughter: These days Grandpa, yes means yes.
Grandpa: I thought you would mind if I bought the tickets when you said yes.
Granddaughter: You're not going to go into that "Whose on first routine" again are you?
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."
One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
When you're 65 and you go out to dinner and say, "It's on me..."
You really mean it!
An aging comedian is a guest on a late night talk show.
"What do you have coming up?" the interviewer asks him.