Not long ago, an elderly, slim and trim lady was admitted to the hospital. After she finished giving a nurse her information, she asked the nurse if she could help her to the bathroom.
Above the commode, she noticed a note. It read, 'Toilet weight 300 pounds'.
She turned to the nurse and asked, "Why would I want to lift a toilet?"
An old lady went on a cruise. When the ship was underway, she stood on the upper deck and watched the world go by. The day was very windy so she stood with one hand holding down her hat.
A young man walked by and excused himself to address her. "Madam, are you aware that your skirt is blowing in the wind and fully exposing you?"
"Yes," she replied.
"But, your rear end is totally exposed?" he said.
"Young man, everything down there is quite old. My hat, on the other hand, I bought yesterday."