elderly jokes

A friend of a friend of mine was sitting on a lawn sunning and reading, when he was startled by a fairly late model car crashing through a hedge and coming to rest on his lawn. He helped the elderly driver out and sat him on a lawn chair.

"My goodness," he exclaimed. "You are quite old to be driving!"

"Yes," he replied. "I am old enough that I don't need a license anymore. The last time I went to my doctor he examined me and asked if I had a driving license. I told him yes and handed it to him."

"He took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket. 'You won't be needing this anymore,' he said."

"So I thanked him and left."

Two elderly gentlemen in their mid-80s meet in the lobby of their apartment building. Both being hard of hearing, one asked the other in a louder voice, "Are you going to the market?"

The other one replies, "No, no. I am going to the market."

The first gentleman says, "Oh, I thought you were going to the market."

Two old men are sitting on a bench. A truck passes on the road. It is pulling a trailer loaded with turf. One of the men says, "See, that's what I will do when I win the lottery."

"What?" asks the other one confused.

"I will send my grass away for cutting!"

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”

“What I want you to do…” the man continued, “every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”

So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man...

... and his re-seeding heir line.