elderly jokes

As Mr. Aging was browsing through an old newspaper, he read aloud to his wife a news item about men losing their memory cells faster than women do.

"It must be true," she said. "That's the second time you've read that article to me."

A friend of a friend of mine was sitting on a lawn sunning and reading, when he was startled by a fairly late model car crashing through a hedge and coming to rest on his lawn. He helped the elderly driver out and sat him on a lawn chair.

"My goodness," he exclaimed. "You are quite old to be driving!"

"Yes," he replied. "I am old enough that I don't need a license anymore. The last time I went to my doctor he examined me and asked if I had a driving license. I told him yes and handed it to him."

"He took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket. 'You won't be needing this anymore,' he said."

"So I thanked him and left."

Two elderly gentlemen in their mid-80s meet in the lobby of their apartment building. Both being hard of hearing, one asked the other in a louder voice, "Are you going to the market?"

The other one replies, "No, no. I am going to the market."

The first gentleman says, "Oh, I thought you were going to the market."

Two old men are sitting on a bench. A truck passes on the road. It is pulling a trailer loaded with turf. One of the men says, "See, that's what I will do when I win the lottery."

"What?" asks the other one confused.

"I will send my grass away for cutting!"