elderly jokes

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every evening at 9 p.m. I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."

The reporter then asked, "That's ALL?"

The man smiled, "Well, canceling my voyage on Titanic sure didn't hurt."

There are advantages to being over the age of 60...

1. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
2. Things you buy now won't wear out.

3. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

4. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
5. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."

You should always be nice to your children...

...they pick which nursing home you go to when you get really old!