elderly jokes

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age, how do you feel?"

John replies, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really! Like a newborn baby, you say?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I even drool on myself."

John: "My grandpa is 98 years old, and he doesn't even use glasses."

Jack: "Wow, that is incredible!"

John: "Yep, he drinks straight from the bottle."

As men grow older they reach that stage in life where their hair quits growing on their head...

And begins to come out of their nose and ears instead.

Not long ago, an elderly, slim and trim lady was admitted to the hospital. After she finished giving a nurse her information, she asked the nurse if she could help her to the bathroom.

Above the commode, she noticed a note. It read, 'Toilet weight 300 pounds'.

She turned to the nurse and asked, "Why would I want to lift a toilet?"