elderly jokes

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her.

At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. "Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted."

"Oh my, "the grandmother says. "He and I must have the same landlord."

Three Elderly Sisters live in a huge two story house. Martha is upstairs and is going to take a bath. She yells down and asks, "Dorthy, was I getting in the tub or out?"

Dorthy replies, "You were getting in the tub!"

The second old lady walks up to the foyer stairway and stops. She looks up and then she says, "Dorthy, was I going upstairs or just coming down?"

Dorthy replies, "Mary, you were going up stair!" After a slight pause, Dorthy continues, "God Help me." She then knocks on the table twice with her fist and then says, "Was that the front door or back?"

Moe asked old Joe, "Joe, have your ever wondered about the hereafter?"

"Yes, I have wondered about the hereafter. Every time I go into my kitchen, I wonder what I'm here after?"

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks! I only have one thing to say about that nonsense!
I completely....completely...er...ah...just a minute...wait I have it now. Old dogs never miss a trick and don't you forget it!