elderly jokes

I asked my grandma what health problems ran in our family, for a school project.

She said she couldn't really think of any.

"So you've been pretty healthy all your life?" I asked.

"Yep." she replied contentedly.

"So you've never been bed ridden?" I went on.

"Lord yes, hundreds of times, and once in a buggy!"

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."

She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.

He says, "Where the hell are you going"?

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."

He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

A woman visited a modern-art gallery. One painting was bright blue with vivid orange swirls and the one hanging next to it was black with lime-green splotches.

The artist stood nearby, so as politely as she could, the woman said to him, "I'm sorry, but I just don't understand you paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," the artist replied.

"I see," the woman replied innocently. "Have you tried Alka-Seltzer?"

An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?"

There was no response.

He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?"

Still, there was no response.

Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"

She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"