elderly jokes

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

An elderly couple is getting ready for bed. She says Oh I am just so hungry for ice cream and there isn't any in the house." He says, “I’ll go get some." She says, "Vanilla with chocolate sauce, with whipped cream on top and a cherry." She adds, "Please write it down, I know you'll forget." He says, “I won't forget; Vanilla with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and a cherry."
Away he goes. Hours later he comes back and hands her a paper bag. "In it is a "HAM SANDWICH". She says,” I told you to write it down! You forgot the mustard."

An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant. While looking at the menu, Helen noticed her husband looking at the vegetarian section of the menu. “What would you like Marty?” she asked. “I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish.” He replied. “Marty, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish.” Helen said. “What do you know,” answered Marty, “I’m getting it.” “Marty, I’m telling’ you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!” Helen exclaimed. “I’m getting it and that is the last word!” says Marty.
A short while later the meals arrive at the table. Marty looks down and his dish and says to Helen, “Where are my eggs?”

“Doc!” the man yells. I’ve lost my memory!”
“Calm down, sir. When did this happen.”
The man looked at him. “When did what happen?”