elderly jokes

The minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called “the hereafter.”

She said to him, “I think about it many times a day.”

“Oh, really?” said the minister. “That is very wise.”

“It’s not a matter of wisdom,” she replied. “It’s when I open a drawer or a closet and I ask myself, ‘What am I here after?’”

Matilda and Rosie were chatting one day. Matilda had recently moved to a retirement home. Rosie asked, “Matilda, how do like your new home?”
“Oh, I love it,” answered Matilda. “there’s so much to do, and no burdens of cooking a cleaning.” “I’m not sure I’d like it,” Rosie said. “I understand there are hardly any men at these places.”
“Oh, indeed there are,” said Matilda. “There’s Will Power, and Charlie Horse, and (whispering) you can even go to bed with Arthur It is. And, if you don’t like them, there’s Ben Gay.”

An elderly couple is beginning to notice that neither of them seem to be able to remember things as well as they used to. So, they go to see their doctor, who explains that there is nothing really wrong with, just typical memory loss associated with old age. He suggests that they each get notebooks and write notes to themselves to help remember things. The couple goes home and that evening while watching T.V. the man gets up and heads for the kitchen. His wife asks if he can bring her some ice cream when he returns. He says he will, and she says he should write it down. "I’m just going to the kitchen, I'll remember." "Well, I want that with nuts, too." "O.K. he says ice cream with nuts." She asks again if he's going to write it down. "No, I'm just going to the kitchen." "And a Cherry on the top?" He agrees and turns toward the kitchen again and she asks again about writing it down. Now the old man is angry, "Look, old lady I'm not senile, I can remember ice cream with nuts and a cherry on top." He goes in the kitchen for 10 minutes and when he returns he sets a plate of bacon and eggs in front of his wife. She looks up and says, "Honey, you forgot my toast."

A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself
to write the word "toilet" in her letter.

After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.

"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.

Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.

As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember this is a very friendly community