elderly jokes

An elderly married couple enters a restaurant for dinner and orders some food. As the waiter serves the food on their table, the husband starts eating while the wife just looks at her platter.

Astonished by this rather unusual scene, a young man sitting besides goes over to their table and courteously asks the lady as to why is she only staring at but not eating her food, The women agreeably replies, "Well son, we have only one set of dentures and today it's his turn first."

I ask my 85 year old grandfather at what age does someone lose interest in the opposite sex.

His answer was he did not know and suggested I ask someone older than him.

If you send a birthday card to your grandkids, don’t write in cursive...

... Or you’ll get a text asking you to decode it.

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one so I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust".

I have gotten that dreaded "furniture disease". My chest is falling into my drawers!

I know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . .write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me... they are cramming for finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.