elderly jokes

A sign that you are young... you drop a lot of things.

A sign that you are old... you drop a lot of things.

There's this old lady at a supermarket. She goes to the produce section. She's rummaging around for a while. Then the Produce Manager sees this and starts talking to her.

Produce Manager: Can I help you ma'am?

Old Lady: I'm trying to find some broccoli.

Produce Manager: We're out of broccoli at the moment.

The old lady starts rummaging again.

Produce Manager: Can I help you ma'am?

Old Lady: I'm trying to find some broccoli.

Produce Manager: I just told you that we don't have any at the moment.

The old lady begins rummaging again.

Produce Manager: Can I help you ma'am?

Old Lady: I'm trying to find some broccoli.

Produce Manager: Is there straw in strawberry?

Old Lady: Yes.

Produce Manager: Is there van in vanilla?

Old Lady: Yes.

Produce Manager: Is there freak in broccoli?

Old Lady: There's no freak in broccoli!

Produce Manager: That's what I've been trying to tell you!!!

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies – two in the front seat and three in the back – wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks with concern.

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who more resembled a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

Moral of the story... DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS!