elderly jokes

An Elderly couple was celebrating their 60th anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.'

On their way back home , a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money: fifty-thousand dollars!

Andy said, "We've got to give it back,"

Sally said, "Finders keepers."

So she put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..."

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here...."

A sign that you are young... you drop a lot of things.

A sign that you are old... you drop a lot of things.

There's this old lady at a supermarket. She goes to the produce section. She's rummaging around for a while. Then the Produce Manager sees this and starts talking to her.

Produce Manager: Can I help you ma'am?

Old Lady: I'm trying to find some broccoli.

Produce Manager: We're out of broccoli at the moment.

The old lady starts rummaging again.

Produce Manager: Can I help you ma'am?

Old Lady: I'm trying to find some broccoli.

Produce Manager: I just told you that we don't have any at the moment.

The old lady begins rummaging again.

Produce Manager: Can I help you ma'am?

Old Lady: I'm trying to find some broccoli.

Produce Manager: Is there straw in strawberry?

Old Lady: Yes.

Produce Manager: Is there van in vanilla?

Old Lady: Yes.

Produce Manager: Is there freak in broccoli?

Old Lady: There's no freak in broccoli!

Produce Manager: That's what I've been trying to tell you!!!

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies – two in the front seat and three in the back – wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks with concern.

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”