elderly jokes

Looking for the appropriate book for a couple celebrating fifty years of marriage I went to the antique book store.

Asking the owner for a suggestion, he had a recommendation.

He recommended a copy of Parkman's "A Half Century of Conflict."

An old man went to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gave him a clean bill of health.

“You’re in excellent shape for a 75-year-old man,” he said. “But I’m afraid I can’t make you any younger.”

“Who asked you to make me younger?” the man replied. “You just make sure I keep getting older!”

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.

The teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"

Grandpa replies, "Nope."

"Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"

"A wedding ring."

Pat O'Brian lay at death's door and he sent for a lawyer to make his last will. O'Brian's wife remained in the room while the lawyer was there. The lawyer said, "State your affairs briefly."

Mr. O'Brian: "Timothy Duggan owes me $5."

Mrs. O'Brian: "Good, sensible to the last."

Mr. O'Brian: "Patrick Kelly owes me $15."

Mrs. O'Brian: "Good, sensible to the last."

Mr. O'Brian: "Michael McKay, I owe $100."

Mrs. O'Brian: "My soul, listen to him rave out of his mind."