An elderly couple went to a counselor as to settle a on going argument.
Counselor: OK, what's going on here!
Husband: My wife keeps tying strings on my finger while I sleep. She then insults me if I ask her about it.
Wife: Not true and I don't want to talk about it any longer.
Counselor: Communication is paramount, I'd like to see you two talk to each other and resolve this issue yourself. Come back in two weeks so I can check on your progress.
Husband: Fine but I'd better tie a string on my finger so I can remember it.
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
Grumpy Old Man to his wife: "Why didn't any of the books I donated sell at the church rummage sale?"
His wife: "I'm thinking it may have gone better if you hadn't torn out the pages you didn't like."
Every time a little boy went to a playmate’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him.
“Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” said his friend, “but I think she’s cramming for finals.”