An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Richard, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?"
"Yes," said Richard, "I saw him plainly take the goods."
The lawyer asks Richard again, "Richard, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes," says Richard, "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asks Richard, "Richard listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?"
Richard says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
An elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where I work. He looked quite concerned at one notation.
"I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I didn't offend anyone."
He was greatly relieved when I explained the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath" and not what he thought.
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful.
"In ten years," I began, "you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now."
Carolyn shrugged, "That's okay, because in ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway."