Elle: "Grandpa, why are these eggs so large?"
Grandpa: "They're duck eggs."
Elle: "Where did you get them?"
Grandpa: "On the internet. It's easy if you use Quack Quack Go, just type in eggs and hit enter."
Elle: "I think you meant duck duck go."
Grandpa: "I don't think so. You have to use the right search engine and I wasn't looking for ducks."
Elle: "What if I wanted to donate to animals in wildfire distress?"
Grandpa: "Firefox and if you' want to find a date go to...."
Elle: "Don't tell me, Yahoo right?"
Walking can add minutes to your life!
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
A senior citizen was showing off a new car he had bought to his grandson.
"Let's go for a spin," he told the youngster.
The old man pulled out of his driveway and placed his fingers above the top of the steering wheel, controlling it only with his thumbs pressed against the lower edge of the wheel.
"That's weird," the grandpa said, "I still don't hear anything."
"What are you talking about?" the grandson asked.
"The car salesman said I could hear lots of different kinds of music if I used a thumb drive."
There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart.