elderly jokes

Category: "Elderly Jokes"
4 votes

Two old men are sitting on a bench. A truck passes on the road. It is pulling a trailer loaded with turf. One of the men says, "See, that's what I will do when I win the lottery."

"What?" asks the other one confused.

"I will send my grass away for cutting!"

4 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
posted by "strider.glasgow" |
7 votes

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”

“What I want you to do…” the man continued, “every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”

So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man...

... and his re-seeding heir line.

7 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
posted by "barber7796" |
$10.00 won 9 votes

I recently compared the cost of living in nursing homes vs cruise ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked cruise ship reservations and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day.
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day for 10 meals or room service (breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. The cruise ship swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken, light bulb out? Everything plus clean sheets and towels every day.
8. If you fall and break you hip: nursing home/Medicare. Cruise ship/upgrade to a suite forever.

Yep, Cruising is for me!

9 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Benjones" |
$15.00 won 7 votes

Attending the funeral of a close friend I thought I recognized a lady I had not seen in 25 years.

I went up to her and said, "You look like Helen Black..."

She replied and walked away, "You don't look so good in brown!"

7 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "barber7796" |