elderly jokes

When you're 65 and you go out to dinner and say, "It's on me..."

You really mean it!

An elderly couple went to a counselor as to settle a on going argument.

Counselor: OK, what's going on here!

Husband: My wife keeps tying strings on my finger while I sleep. She then insults me if I ask her about it.

Wife: Not true and I don't want to talk about it any longer.

Counselor: Communication is paramount, I'd like to see you two talk to each other and resolve this issue yourself. Come back in two weeks so I can check on your progress.

Husband: Fine but I'd better tie a string on my finger so I can remember it.

Wife: Doh!

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

And, my very favorite....

QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.