“A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie?”
“No, I really miss her.”
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.
I thought to myself... "Well this changes everything!"
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait! I can explain everything.
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”