Two men out fishing for carp. One fellow stands up and as he does, his wallet falls out of his pocket and slowly sinks in the lake. As he tries to retrieve it, two huge carp show up and start fighting over possession of the wallet. The fellow turns to his comrade and states "First time I've seen carp to carp walleting!"
A young apprentice optometrist recently got careless and got his hand caught in the lens grinder. He wasn't seriously hurt, but he certainly made a spectacle of himself.
You need two American coins to add up to .30 cents. One of them is not a nickel.
Q: What are the coins?
A: One of them is not a nickel, the other one is, a nickel and a quarter.
A court jester is thrown into jail for telling terrible jokes.
~What did he say after the guard locked him up?
O-PUN the door!