I told my cat that I'm going to teach him to speak English.
He looked at me and said, "Me, How?"
Today I learned that if you flip a canoe over you can wear it as a hat...
Because it's cap-sized!
When Sunday and Monday get into a fight, who typically wins?
Sunday, because Monday is a weekday.
I'm absolutely heartbroken. My Wife just broke up with me over my chronic gambling addiction...
... But it's okay, I'll win her back.