puns jokes

The other day, I rang the Speaking Clock. It said, “What's the matter, can't you afford a watch? Are you too lazy to lift your arm up, you idiot?“

It was Greenwich Mean Time.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

I caught my son chewing on electrical cords...

So I had to ground him...

He's doing better currently...

And conducting himself properly.

The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.