Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it...
Guess I really am... Independent!
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night...
Oof!
Wife: "I'm pregnant...."
Dad: "Hi pregnant, I’m dad!"
Wife: "No, no you’re not."
To the person who stole my glasses...
I will find you, I have contacts!