A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally, the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can cook me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks!"
Don't invite author John Milton to your group's game nights. Whenever he's around, there's a pair of dice lost.
How does a train hear another train coming? With its engineers.
What did one fungi say to another fungi when they got married? “I want to grow mold with you.”