What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American Literature?
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9...
The odds were against me.
Shop assistant: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small.
Shop assistant: You didn't even try it on?
Psychic: I'm a medium.
I spent five dollars for a weather app on my phone...
I got two dollars and fifteen cents back in 'climate change'.