The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to the rest of his family who were waiting for the news: "We had twins!"
The family was so excited they immediately asked, "Who do they look like?"
The father paused, smiled, and said, "Each other!"
A fellow was going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine made a loud 'hiss-pop!' noise.
"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explained the guide. "The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reached the part of the factory where condoms were manufactured. The machine made a noise: "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!"
"Wait a minute!" said the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss' is, but what's that 'pop!' every so often?"
"Oh, it's rather like the baby-bottle nipple machine," said the guide, "but here the needle pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"No," the guide said, "but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
"My wife and I have always had a give and take relationship but since we had the baby she seems to have learned how to soften me up and gets her way more often which I'm very OK with really."
"Changed behavior is usually learned behavior; whose she been hanging out with lately?" asked my best friend.
After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery room with my wife.
It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more minutes."
"Is it a girl or boy?" I asked excitedly.
The doctor replied, "I don't know. It's hard to tell by the ears."