The Last 7 Jokes-A-Day Sent By E-mail

Bubba and Billy were driving down the road while drinking beer when they spotted a roadblock ahead. "We're gonna get busted," whimpered Billy. "Don't worry," said Bubba. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads and then toss the bottles under the seat. Just let me do the talking." They downed the beer, threw the empties out of sight and put the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the police officer asked, "You boys been drinking?" "No, sir," said Bubba, pointing at the labels. "Me and Billy are on the patch."

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband." "Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."

Officer to driver going the wrong way up a one way street. "And where do you think you are going?"
Driver: - "I'm not sure, but I must be late as everyone else is coming back."

An elderly couple stood before the family court judge after a long divorce trial. The judge asked why they wanted a divorce after having been married for nearly 70 years. They answered:" We wanted to wait, till after the kids had died".

This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m. for any one under seventeen years of age. He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted. “Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under seventeen and it has to be in the garage by eleven.” His father said.

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"