The Last 7 Jokes-A-Day Sent By E-mail

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Category: Kid Jokes
Ranking: 3.26 / 104
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
Thanks to: Paulina A. Candia - Santiago - R. M. - Chile
rec.:Jul/28/1998    pub.:Jul/28/1998    sent:Apr/23/2014

Category: Male Jokes
Ranking: 2.81 / 183
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll?
A: No one knows, it's never been done.
Thanks to: Ashlea - Canton - Ohio - USA.
rec.:Oct/1/2001    pub.:Oct/3/2001    sent:Apr/22/2014

Category: Antartian Jokes
Ranking: 3.70 / 64
Once there was an Antartian that was down on his luck. In order to get some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. 
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him "I've kidnapped you." 
The Antartian wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An Antartian." 
The Antartian then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. 
The next morning the Antartian checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Antartian opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Antartian do this to another Antartian?!" 
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:May/28/2000    pub.:May/28/2000    sent:Apr/21/2014

Ranking: 3.76 / 67
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!” The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.” She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Apr/27/2010    pub.:Apr/27/2010    sent:Apr/20/2014

Category: Judges Jokes
Ranking: 3.49 / 83
The lawyer was cross-examining a witness.
“Isn’t it true, “he bellowed, “that you were I given $500.00 to throw this case?”
The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t
heard the question. The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction - no response.
Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer the question.”
“Oh,” said the startled witness, “I thought he was talking to you.”

Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jul/20/2002    pub.:Jul/20/2002    sent:Apr/19/2014

Category: Military Jokes
Ranking: 3.46 / 102
During training exercises, the Lieutenant driving down a
muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud
with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled

"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him
the keys, "Yours is."
Thanks to: Jay - Houston - TX - USA.
rec.:Mar/5/2003    pub.:May/8/2003    sent:Apr/18/2014

Category: Kid Jokes
Ranking: 3.32 / 135
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
Thanks to: Carolyn Dolter
rec.:Jul/28/1999    pub.:Jul/28/1999    sent:Apr/17/2014


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