The Last 7 Jokes-A-Day Sent By E-mail

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Ranking: 2.77 / 208
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to take up farming.
He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, “Give me a hundred baby chickens.”
The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, “Give me two hundred baby chickens.” The co-op man complies.
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, “Give me five-hundred baby chickens.” “Wow! The co-op man replies “You must really be doing well!”
“Naw,” said the man with a sigh. “I’m either planting them too deep or too far apart!”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jul/12/2006    pub.:Jul/12/2006    sent:Dec/18/2014

Category: Kid Jokes
Ranking: 3.53 / 814
Two brothers were always getting into trouble in their neighborhood. The people in the neighborhood started complaining to the parents about the boys. So the boys parents decided to have their priest talk to the boys. The priest asks to speak to the boys alone, requesting to see the youngest first. The young boy comes in and sits at a large table across the room from the priest. The priest looks at the boy, points at him and, trying to emphasize that God is in everyone, asks, "Where is God?" The boy looks around the room and back at the priest and says nothing. Again, the priest points at the boy and in a louder voice asks, "Where is God?" The boy says nothing. The priest walks around the table, pointing inches from the boy’s face and asks again, "Where is God?" The boy jumps out of his chair and runs out the door. The boy runs right home, grabs his older brother and says to him, "We are in BIG trouble!" His brother replies, "We haven't done anything!" The younger brother replies, "God's missing, and they think we did it!"
Thanks to: Emilio Candia - Santiago - R. M. - Chile
rec.:Jun/17/1998    pub.:Jun/17/1998    sent:Dec/17/2014

Category: Puns
Ranking: 4.20 / 666
- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
- made with real lemons?
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
- don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Oct/2/2002    pub.:Oct/2/2002    sent:Dec/16/2014

Category: Animal Jokes
Ranking: 2.42 / 31
Did you hear about the elephant who was always left out of things and thus felt irrelephant?
Thanks to: Freddie Pitz - Canada
rec.:Jan/13/2014    pub.:Jan/24/2014    sent:Dec/15/2014

Ranking: 2.66 / 221
Just think, in a few million years Barney will be motor oil
Thanks to: Fodor Prestipino
rec.:Jun/12/2001    pub.:Jun/12/2001    sent:Dec/14/2014

Category: Political Jokes
Ranking: 4.10 / 39
If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?
Thanks to: Johnny Doe - USA.
rec.:Nov/8/2013    pub.:Nov/29/2013    sent:Dec/13/2014

Category: Dumb Criminals
Ranking: 3.15 / 52
A couple of terrorist were making letter bombs. After they had finished, one said: “Do you think I put enough explosive in this envelope? “I don’t know,” said the other. “Open it and see.” “But it will explode.” “Don’t be stupid! It’s not addressed to you!
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Sep/16/2013    pub.:Sep/16/2013    sent:Dec/12/2014


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