The Last 7 Jokes-A-Day Sent By E-mail

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Ranking: 4.04 / 1743
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" 
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. 
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" 
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Thanks to: Terry Griffin
rec.:Nov/25/1999    pub.:Nov/25/1999    sent:Oct/25/2014

Ranking: 4.05 / 1726
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
Thanks to: Laura Reidlinger
rec.:Sep/18/1999    pub.:Sep/18/1999    sent:Oct/24/2014

Ranking: 2.45 / 22
One of the courses I taught when I was a college professor was Freshman English. To my first class of students I described the basic parts of an essay: "Remember, the three parts of an essay are the Introduction, the Body, and the Confusion".
Thanks to: Janet Byron Anderson PhD - USA.
rec.:Nov/13/2013    pub.:Nov/29/2013    sent:Oct/23/2014

Category: Animal Jokes
Ranking: 3.15 / 47
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!
Thanks to: John Teixeira - Barueri - São Paulo - Brazil
rec.:Dec/27/2013    pub.:Jan/24/2014    sent:Oct/22/2014

Category: Judges Jokes
Ranking: 4.20 / 59
A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?” She replied: “a can of peaches.” The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 5. The judge then said, “I will give you 5 days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, “What is it?”
The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Apr/27/2010    pub.:Apr/27/2010    sent:Oct/21/2014

Category: Computer Jokes
Ranking: 3.09 / 120
Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. That's a hardware issue.
Thanks to: LJ Margolis - USA.
rec.:Jul/2/2004    pub.:Aug/3/2004    sent:Oct/20/2014

Category: Kid Jokes
Ranking: 3.55 / 69
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. 
The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. 
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"
Thanks to: Charlene Bochniak
rec.:Apr/18/1999    pub.:Apr/18/1999    sent:Oct/19/2014


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