The Last 7 Jokes-A-Day Sent By E-mail
Category: Educational Jokes
Ranking: 3.19 / 107
Three immigrants to the U. S. were just mastering the language. One was telling the others about the difficulty they were having in attempting to start a family. He said, "I think my wife must be impregnable." The second said," that's not the right word, she is inconceivable". To which the third replied, "You are both wrong she is unbearable."
Thanks to: G. Brunner
rec.:Aug/31/1998 pub.:Aug/31/1998 sent:Dec/12/2013
Category: Scifi Jokes
Ranking: 2.88 / 193
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car.
Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
"Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thanks to: Patrick Voorhies - Mansura - Los Angeles - USA.
rec.:Nov/14/1998 pub.:Nov/14/1998 sent:Dec/11/2013
Category: Teachers Jokes
Ranking: 3.07 / 127
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Sep/10/2009 pub.:Sep/10/2009 sent:Dec/10/2013
Category: Animal Jokes
Ranking: 2.36 / 450
A man who worked in a cruise liner as a magician had a parrot and every time the man did a trick the parrot yelled, “it’s in the pocket,” “it’s in the pocket,” the magician would do another trick and the parrot yelled, “it’s in the hat”, “it’s in the hat.”
One day during his act the cruise liner had a problem and the ship sunk. The parrot came up from the water and looking confused said; “NOW WHERE DID HE HIDE THE SHIP.”
Thanks to: JOSE MENDES - LILONGWE - Malawi
rec.:Nov/5/2002 pub.:Feb/7/2003 sent:Dec/9/2013
Category: One Liners Jokes
Ranking: 2.84 / 188
If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together!
Thanks to: Anonymous - New Jersey - USA.
rec.:Jun/25/2002 pub.:Oct/2/2002 sent:Dec/8/2013
Category: Police Jokes
Ranking: 2.91 / 162
Shut Up and Trouble were walking down a path. Trouble got lost. So, Shut Up went to the police officer. The police officer asked, "What's your name?"
He answered, "Shut Up."
He asked again "What's your name?"
The police officer asked, "Are you looking for trouble?!"
"Yeah, I lost him down a path about two miles ago."
Thanks to: Ccay - Paw Paw - Michigan - USA.
rec.:Sep/15/1999 pub.:Sep/15/1999 sent:Dec/7/2013
Ranking: 2.89 / 179
Answering the phone, the priest was surprised to hear the caller introduce herself as an IRS auditor.
“But we do not pay taxes,” the priest said. “It isn’t you, Father, it’s one of your parishioner, Sean McCullough. He indicates on his tax return that he gave a donation of
$15,000 to the church last year. Is this, in fact, the truth?”
The priest smiled broadly. “The check hasn’t arrived yet, but I’m sure I’ll have it when I remind dear Sean.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jul/1/2003 pub.:Jul/1/2003 sent:Dec/6/2013