The Last 7 Jokes-A-Day Sent By E-mail
Category: Rude Jokes
Ranking: 3.29 / 768
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer
PUPILS: A teacher.
Thanks to: Olukosi David - ketu - lagos - Nigeria
rec.:Sep/30/2003 pub.:Oct/3/2003 sent:May/19/2013
Category: Doctors Jokes
Ranking: 3.37 / 658
A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."
Thanks to: Bernice - Literacy Council - Nebraska - USA.
rec.:Aug/5/1998 pub.:Aug/5/1998 sent:May/18/2013
Category: Elderly Jokes
Ranking: 3.80 / 226
An elderly couple is beginning to notice that neither of them seem to be able to remember things as well as they used to. So, they go to see their doctor, who explains that there is nothing really wrong with, just typical memory loss associated with old age. He suggests that they each get notebooks and write notes to themselves to help remember things. The couple goes home and that evening while watching T.V. the man gets up and heads for the kitchen. His wife asks if he can bring her some ice cream when he returns. He says he will, and she says he should write it down. "I’m just going to the kitchen, I'll remember." "Well, I want that with nuts, too." "O.K. he says ice cream with nuts." She asks again if he's going to write it down. "No, I'm just going to the kitchen." "And a Cherry on the top?" He agrees and turns toward the kitchen again and she asks again about writing it down. Now the old man is angry, "Look, old lady I'm not senile, I can remember ice cream with nuts and a cherry on top." He goes in the kitchen for 10 minutes and when he returns he sets a plate of bacon and eggs in front of his wife. She looks up and says, "Honey, you forgot my toast."
Thanks to: Roger Hancock - Portland - Oregon - USA.
rec.:Jan/29/2002 pub.:Mar/10/2002 sent:May/17/2013
Category: Educational Jokes
Ranking: 3.45 / 406
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said its H to O!
Thanks to: Bahadar Ali - lahore - punjab - Pakistan
rec.:Dec/6/2001 pub.:Dec/27/2001 sent:May/16/2013
Category: Idiots Jokes
Ranking: 3.05 / 995
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
Thanks to: Rafael Ortiz
rec.:Mar/31/1999 pub.:Mar/31/1999 sent:May/15/2013
Category: Elderly Jokes
Ranking: 3.95 / 225
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-0ld draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells.
The 94-year-old hollers back, "I don't know, I'll come up to see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or going down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful", and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Thanks to: maggie - los angeles - ca - USA.
rec.:Nov/22/2008 pub.:Dec/19/2008 sent:May/14/2013
Category: Work Jokes
Ranking: 3.41 / 518
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
Thanks to: Peter Prestipino - USA.
rec.:Jul/21/2000 pub.:Jul/21/2000 sent:May/13/2013