The Last 7 Jokes-A-Day Sent By E-mail



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Category: Police Jokes
Ranking: 3.65 / 210
An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, "I have no room for your bike in my car, but I'd like to help you in someway seeing you standing here in the hot sun." After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, "I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I'll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I'll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I'll slow down." The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the rode, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning "you want a drag?" Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn't catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the rode to intercept. "Car number 2, this is car number 1." "Go head number 1, what'cha got for me?" I got a red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus, can you intercept?" "Ten-four, Is there anything else?" "Yeah, you wouldn't believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass."
#620    
Thanks to: Gary T. - Dearborn - MI - USA.
rec.:Mar/23/2000    pub.:Mar/23/2000    sent:Jul/23/2014


Category: Microsoft Jokes
Ranking: 3.65 / 226
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" 
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." 
God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." 
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." 
God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair." 
#615    
Thanks to: SimpleSentiments.com - Pembroke - Pines Florida - USA.
rec.:Mar/17/2000    pub.:Mar/17/2000    sent:Jul/22/2014


Category: Animal Jokes
Ranking: 1.72 / 29
In a beauty contest among birds, the finalists believe it or not were a chicken, an ostrich and a flamingo. And soon after the show, the judges were unanimous in reaching the final choice. And guess who won? The chicken, of course! The judges admitted that both the ostrich, and flamingo legs were beautiful, but the chicken had prettier laid eggs.
#23619    
Thanks to: John Teixeira - Barueri - Sao Paulo - Brazil
rec.:Aug/10/2013    pub.:Nov/5/2013    sent:Jul/21/2014


Category: Marriage Jokes
Ranking: 2.79 / 29
A guy was cutting the tail off his dog. His neighbor asked, "What the hell are you doing?"
“My mother-in-law is coming to visit and I don't want any sign of welcome" He replied.
#23353    
Thanks to: Tarlok Chugh - Calgary - Alberta - Canada
rec.:Feb/24/2013    pub.:Jun/21/2013    sent:Jul/20/2014


Category: Animal Jokes
Ranking: 3.21 / 39
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked: “What’s happening?” The runner replied breathlessly: “A lion has escaped from the zoo.” “Oh my, which way is it heading?” “Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?”
#23659    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Sep/17/2013    pub.:Sep/17/2013    sent:Jul/19/2014


Category: Business Jokes
Ranking: 2.85 / 120
A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port of France, and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.
Oui monsieur; what is the destination port for this load?
I’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.
Wouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?
Why is that sir? If you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese; of course!
#23860    
Thanks to: John Teixeira - Barueri - São Paulo - Brazil
rec.:Dec/27/2013    pub.:Jan/24/2014    sent:Jul/18/2014


Category: Quotes Jokes
Ranking: 3.77 / 541
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
Submitted by Jonalee Echols from Bullard Texas.
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
3. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
6. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
7. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
9. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
10. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
11. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
#401    
Thanks to: Nicole Brown - MO - USA.
rec.:Jul/31/1999    pub.:Jul/31/1999    sent:Jul/16/2014


 


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