Latest Jokes

0 votes

There is a glass of water on the table.

Optimists think the water in the glass is half full.

Pessimists think the water in the glass is half empty.

Opportunists and Realists like me, drink the water in the glass, put it back on the table, and then leave.

0 votes
posted by "D-Gellybean" |
2 votes

My husband and I both work, so our family eats out a lot.

Recently, when we were having a rare home-cooked meal, I handed a glass to my three-year-old and told her to drink her milk.

She looked at me bewildered and replied, "But I didn’t order milk."

2 votes
posted by "Mary" |
1 votes

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once. “Are you trying to kick the habit?”

“No,” I replied. “I’ve got a cold and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.”

“You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.”

1 votes
posted by "Mary" |
1 votes

It seemed that all our appliances had broken in the same week, and repairs were straining our budget. So when I picked up the kids from school and our Jeep started making rattling sounds, I decided that rather than burden my husband, I’d deal with it.

When we got home, the kids rushed right into the house with the news. "Daddy, the Jeep was breaking down, but Mom made the noise stop!"

Impressed, my husband asked, "How did you fix it?"

"I turned up the volume on the radio," I confessed.

1 votes
posted by "stee" |