There was a couple married for 50 years and on the 50th anniversary the wife saw the husband crying and she told him, "Honey I never knew that after 50 years you would still love me the same way you did 50 years ago."
The husband looks at the wife and asks her, "Honey, do you remember 50 years ago when your father caught us behind the barn naked?"
And the wife says yes.
The man replies do you remember what your father told me that day?
She replies no.
The husband replies he told me that if I don't marry you he would have me locked up in prison for 50 years.
The wife looks at the husband and says "and?"
So the husband replies, "HOLLY COW! I could of been a free man by now!"
A priest and a cab driver went to heaven.
The priest was given fifty bags of gold and a nice house.
The cab driver was given the same but also a boat, a lake and a box of diamonds.
The priest asked St. Peter, "Hey I was a priest, how come I don't get a box of diamonds or a lake or a boat?"
St. Peter said, "We go by results. During your sermons people slept, during his cab rides people prayed."