school jokes

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Be more or less specific.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Contractions aren't necessary.

5. One should never generalize.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

8. Understatement is always best.

9. The passive voice is to be avoided.

10. Who needs rhetorical questions?

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don't never use a double negation.

13. Always pick on the correct idiom.

14. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

15. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The adverb always follows the verb.

18. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

19. Do not put statements in the negative form.

20. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

21. A writer must not shift your point of view.

22. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

23. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

24. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator...

And only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.

Thank you, student loan, for helping me through college...

I don't think I can ever repay you.

Joey would always come to school late and tell the teacher a big lie about what had made him late. Fed up with his lies, the teacher planned to tell Joey a bigger lie to teach him a lesson.

The next day, Joey came in late again "I'm sorry I'm late," he said. "I got up early this morning and went fishing in the pond on my way to school; I caught a big, heavy fish and took it home so my mom could get it ready for dinner. I couldn't walk very fast because carrying the fish slowed me down."

"Well, that's very interesting, because I had an experience of my own on my way to school." the teacher replied. "I was walking to class when I began to hear the sound of growling behind me. I turned around and saw an enormous grizzly stomping up to me; he was 30 feet tall, with razor sharp fangs, claws like knives and looked very hungry. Suddenly, a little dog ran out of the bushes, beat up the bear and gobbled him up. What do you think of that, Joey?"

Joey replied, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Spot."