Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"
The mom reacts, and takes a deep breath. "What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"
The mom grabs the book and takes a look. Her son was right, the book read "African Elephant".
How do you know when you've really reached a mathematician's voice mail?
"The subscript you have dialed is syntaxed error at the moment, please rotate your calculator to 90 degrees and redial again."
The homework assignment for my Spanish class was to write a paragraph. When I returned their papers, I asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other online translator to write his paper.
He categorically denied doing so.
That led to my next question, “Then why is this in French?”
Teacher: "How much is half of 8?"
Little Johnny: "Up and down or across?"
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny: "Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!"