A first grade teacher collected old, well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. Here are the results:
* Better be safe than ... Punch a 5th Grader.
* It's always darkest before ... Daylight saving time.
* You can lead a horse to water, but ... How?
* You can't teach an old dog ... Math.
* Love all, trust ... Me.
* The pen is mightier than the ... Pigs.
* You get out of something what you ... See pictured on the box.
* When the blind leadeth the blind ... Get out of the way.
* There is no fool like ... Aunt Eddie.
The following was the answering machine message for an elementary school:
"Hello! You have reached your child's elementary school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1.
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2.
To complain about what we do - Press 3.
To cuss out staff members - Press 4.
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5.
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6.
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7.
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8.
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9.
To complain about school lunches - Press 0.
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers fault for your child(ren)'s lack of effort, hang up, and have a nice day!"