school jokes

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."

"Oh I'm sorry," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."

Me: My sister graduated from college. I wish you could have been there. She wore a cap and nightgown.

Bob: A nightgown?

Me: Yeah. She went to night school.

Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it.

The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline "Valiant Student Saves Boy From Fearsome Dog."

The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.

The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, "Pompous Stock Broker Kills School Mascot."

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of registration.

"He's a magician," said the new boy.

"How exciting. What's his best trick?"

"He saws people in half."

"How impressive! Now, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Yep...one half brother and two half sisters."