Mama bear, papa bear, and baby bear were having a great time chasing vacationers in a car as they were visiting Yellowstone National Park.
"Yes, Baby Bear?"
"I think we could be doing a better job of scaring these vacationers."
"But Baby Bear," Mama Bear injected. "What more can we do?"
"Maybe we'd have more of an effect on them if we got out of this car and started chasing them on all fours!"
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, "Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot
tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, ‘'You have exactly 1,586 sheep."
The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your choicest sheep from the herd."
The young man takes one of the animals which he likes most and cute from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks, "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"
The young man laughed and answers, "Yes, why not?"
The shepherd says, "You are an auditor."
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd.
" First, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business... now can I have my DOG back?"
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back."
He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for a while, then walks back across the street.
The other dog asks, "What was that about?"
The first dog replies, "Just checking my messages."