As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Silverman became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young blonde woman.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Silverman, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Silverman was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I . . . I didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," replied his wife, consolingly. "I did."
There was a couple married for 50 years and on the 50th anniversary the wife saw the husband crying and she told him, "Honey I never knew that after 50 years you would still love me the same way you did 50 years ago."
The husband looks at the wife and asks her, "Honey, do you remember 50 years ago when your father caught us behind the barn naked?"
And the wife says yes.
The man replies do you remember what your father told me that day?
She replies no.
The husband replies he told me that if I don't marry you he would have me locked up in prison for 50 years.
The wife looks at the husband and says "and?"
So the husband replies, "HOLLY COW! I could of been a free man by now!"
A man and his wife had been arguing all day. As evening approached, they decided it would be best if they didn't speak for a while.
The evening passes and as they are reading themselves for bed, the husband remembers that he has an early morning meeting. Not wanting to be the first to break their silence, he writes a note, asking his wife to wake him at 6 AM, then leaves it on her makeup table where she is certain to see it.
He goes to bed with a smile on his face, knowing that when she woke him, she wold speak first and loose the argument.
He wakes in the morning and is angered to see that it is after 9. He stalks to his wife's makeup table to see if she had seen his note.
Next to the note he had written was a note she wrote. It said, "Wake up!"