My wife has been stressing the importance of punctuality to me recently. I made a point of picking her up early at the bridge club for the first time today.
You should have seen the shocked looks of the faces of the ladies when they found out I’m alive. Apparently my wife has been referring to me as her late husband.
A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, "How much is Barbie?"
"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
"Hey, hang on," the guy asks. "Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"Yeah, well, it's like this. Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
A neighbor asked his friend, who was celebrating 50 years of marriage, what the secret was to a long and happy marriage?
His friend replied, "When we were first married, we vowed to go out twice a week no matter how little money we had and we have done so for 50 years."
"Twice a week, you say?"
"Yeah. She goes out on Tuesday and I go out on Friday."
A foreign correspondent, did a feature story in a country in the Middle East, several years ago and before their was conflict there. She noted women walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the old regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.
She approached one of the women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"
'The woman looked her straight in the eye, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
Moral is, no matter what language you speak or where you go... Behind every man, there's a smart woman!