Teacher: "Now, class, can anyone tell me what the word 'Can't' is short for?"
Lizzy: "Can not."
Teacher: "Very good! Now, can anyone tell me what 'Won't' is short for?"
Lewis: "Will not."
Teacher: "That's right! Now, can anyone tell me what 'Don't' is short for?"
Harold: "Donut."
A sea captain is holding a class at a local dock where several young men and women are learning how to be sailors. "All right, class," the captain states. "Now, if you were out at sea and suddenly a tremendous storm brewed up, what should you do?"
A young man in the front row raises his hand. "Yes, lad?" the captain replies.
"Throw out an anchor," the young man relies.
"Very good. Now, if another tremendous storm brewed up shortly thereafter, what should you do then?"
"Throw out another anchor."
A puzzled look crosses the captain's face. "Well, but what if another tremendous storm brews up?"
"I'd throw out yet another anchor."
"Now hold on there for a second, young fella," the captain says incredulously. "Where do you keep getting all of these anchors?"
"The same place you keep getting all of these tremendous storms, sir." the young man replies.
Because I was tipping on my chair, my teacher said to me...
"If you fall over and break your leg, don't come running to me!"
A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin... writing the answer... flipping the coin... writing the answer.
At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying: "Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"
The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"