Little Kelvin's darkest day was when he was asked by his mathematics teacher to solve a problem on the board. The question was asking for the answer to 2+3.
He knew he couldn't solve that so he glanced towards his bright friend for help. His friend willing to help but fearing to speak out loud, showed him his palm as a silent indication to the answer.
So little Kelvin drew the palm.
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.
After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing on my bagpipes."
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:
"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Second violation will be a $60 fine. Third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To draw out all his savings?"