Salesman: "Madam, do you want this powder?"
Housewife: "For what?"
Salesman: "For ants."
Housewife: "No. If I give powder today, they will ask for lipstick tomorrow."
Master: That shirt looks soiled, didn't you wash it?
Servant: I did! But while i was taking it to the shop for ironing i dropped it on the ground!
Master: You will have to wash it again!
Servant: Again, Sir?
Master: I'm a stickler for cleanliness. So anything that falls on the ground has to be washed with soap and water.
Servant: I'll remember that.
The next morning...
Servant: Sir, here is your newspaper.
Master: Yes! But why is it soaking wet, You idiot?
Servant: While i was bringing it to you i dropped it on the ground.... But I remembered your instructions and washed it thoroughly with soap and water.
Friend 1: Let's go for a movie.
Friend 2: I've got a doctor's appointment today.
Friend 1: Just cancel it, tell him you're sick.
Teacher: What is a synonym?
Student: A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other!