Woman customer in restaurant: "I'd like a margarita please."

Waiter: "I'll need to see your ID."

Customer (giggling while showing her ID): "You think I look like a teenager?"

Waiter: "No. I thought you qualified for our senior citizen discount."

I recently got a catalog from a company I wasn't familiar with. Not wanting to be cheated I sent them a letter saying, "With all the fraud and misrepresentation I don't know who to trust. Send me the merchandise and if it's any good I'll send you a check."

A week later I got a letter back from the company saying, "We have the same problem you have. Send us a check. If it's any good we'll send you the merchandise."

A city slicker goes to visit his cousin who owns an apple orchard. The cousin takes him out to show him the bountiful crop on the trees.

The city slicker sees all the apples and asks, "How many apples grow on trees?"

His cousin smiles and says, "All of them."

As men grow older their hair begins to grow deeper into their scalp.

If it touches grey matter, it turns grey.

If it hits nothing, it falls out.