My second grade announced at the dinner table that after school a boy in her class had kissed her.

Trying to stay cool her mother asked, "How did that happen?"

Our daughter said, "It wasn't easy, I needed three other girls to help hold him on the ground."

I was mailing a letter at my local post office when I noticed my not so bright neighbor talking into an envelope.

I ask her what she was doing?

She replied, without missing a beat, "Sending voicemail... "

Two sociologists are sitting by the pool. One turns to the other and asks, "Have you read Marx?"

The other replies, "Yes, it's these darn wicker chairs!"

I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my navigation system said:

"IN 400 FEET, DO A SLIGHT RIGHT, STOP, AND LET ME OUT."