Granddaughter: It’s March 14th grandpa, national “pi” day.
Grandpa: I love pie!

Granddaughter: Not that kind of pie grandpa, I’m talking about a formula!
Grandpa: Back in my day we called it a recipe!

Granddaughter: Graaaand Paaaa, not that, it’s a mathematical formula, you know an equation.
Grandpa: That’s the problem these days, everyone makes things so complicated. In my day we used things like cups, teaspoons and tablespoons. We didn’t need math if we wanted to bake a pie.

Granddaughter: Oh, I see your point! So what would you like, apple or cherry pie?
Grandpa: Finally, a young person who actually understand things.

Q. What did it mean when the vampire saw himself in the mirror?
A. It meant he died.

Q. So how did the vampire die?
A. He accidentally ordered “stake” and eggs at the silver bullet cafe.

Q. So where do vampires go when they die?
A. Actually they reincarnate and go to work for the government.

My doctor told me I need to get more cardio exercise and my wife agreed with him. I said, "What about love making, does that count?"

My wife said, "Yes, but I think you're going to need more than three minutes a day."

Superman blames technology for his slow response to high crime.

"Look around folks, there isn't a phone booth in sight."