Category: Farmer Jokes



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Ranking: 3.84 / 367
This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died. At the funeral, the ladies came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". The men came up and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head "no”. Well this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer replied,” Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she looked. When the men came up, they asked,’ That mule for sale?'
#3136    
Thanks to: Brandi Kapfer - Memphis - MO - USA.
rec.:Feb/2/2002    pub.:Mar/6/2002    sent:May/20/2013


Ranking: 3.40 / 136
John was driving his pickup down a country lane when suddenly a chicken darts out into the road in front of him. He's just about to slam on his brakes to avoid the chicken when he realizes that the chicken has sped on ahead doing about 30 miles per hour.
Amazed, he sped up to follow, but the chicken takes off faster and faster. Finally the chicken screeches into a turn and goes into a small farm. As he turns to follow, John notices that the chicken has three legs. He pulls to a stop in front of the farmhouse, and looking around, notices that ALL the chickens have three legs.
He says to the farmer, "Three-legged chickens? That's astounding!"
The farmer replies, "Yep, I bred 'em that way -- I love drumsticks."
John: "Well, tell me, how does a three-legged chicken taste?"
Farmer: "Dunno, haven't been able to catch one yet."
#259    
Thanks to: Rick Kennedy - Chicago - USA.
rec.:Feb/21/1999    pub.:Feb/21/1999    sent:Feb/21/1999


Ranking: 2.86 / 247
The barn at Larry and Susan's farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company. 
Susan: "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." 
Agent: "Wait just a minute, Susan... it doesn't work quite like that. We will determine the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." 
Susan, after a pause: "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."
#589    
Thanks to: Gemma Piscotti - Chicago - IL - USA.
rec.:Feb/19/2000    pub.:Feb/19/2000    sent:Oct/8/2011


Ranking: 3.22 / 126
A farmer walks into a lawyer's office and says: "I'd like to get one of them-thar day-vorce-ees" "Yes sir, I believe I can help you" replied the lawyer. "Do you have any grounds?" "Oh shore do!", exclaimed the farmer, "Got me bout a 140 acres out back a the house thar." "No no..., I mean do you have a case?" asked the lawyer. "No sur," replied the farmer, "I drive one of them John Deer's" "You don't understand," said the lawyer, "You need something like a grudge." "Oh!!" said the farmer, "I got me one of those! That's what I park muh Deer in!" The lawyer, a bit frustrated responded, "Sir, you've got to have a reason to divorce your wife. Does she beat you up or anything?" "No sur", replied the farmer, "I purt near get outta bed afore her ever mornin." Finally the exasperated lawyer shouted, "WHY do you want a divorce?" "Oh, well..." replied the farmer, "She says we jus can't communicate!!" 
#722    
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:Jul/23/2000    pub.:Jul/23/2000    sent:Sep/8/2013


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