Category: Microsoft Jokes

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Ranking: 3.66 / 465
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement: "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
Not only that, but....
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.
If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
Thanks to: Arsen Vladimirsky - Chicago - IL
rec.:Dec/1/2000    pub.:Dec/1/2000    sent:Jun/26/2014

Ranking: 3.62 / 237
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" 
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." 
God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." 
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." 
God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair." 
Thanks to: - Pembroke - Pines Florida - USA.
rec.:Mar/17/2000    pub.:Mar/17/2000    sent:Jul/22/2014

Ranking: 3.40 / 196
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down. 
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." 
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas." 
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." 
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" 
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
Thanks to: Mark O. - Chicago - USA.
rec.:Feb/17/2000    pub.:Feb/17/2000    sent:Jun/3/2012

Ranking: 3.33 / 206
Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. 
One of the three men says, "I have an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far enough for someone to hear us." 

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times). 
15 minutes later, the men in the balloon hear an echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!!" 
One of the men says, "That must be a Microsoft service tech!" 
Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?" 
The man replies: "For three reasons: 
(1) he took a long time to answer, 
(2) he was absolutely correct, and 
(3) his answer was absolutely useless."
Thanks to: Arsen Vladimirsky - Chicago - IL - USA.
rec.:Feb/18/2000    pub.:Feb/18/2000    sent:Jun/12/2012

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