After resisting the advance of technology for many years I finally gave in and bought a cell phone. A few days later I called my wife and told her someone kept texting me but when I checked I didn't have a text message.
My wife asked who it said was sending a text. I told her I wasn't sure about the name but I thought it was a lady named Betty Low.
After a short pause my wife responded with, "I think you mean 'Battery Low'."
"Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?"
"No sir, it's Google's Pizza."
"Did I dial the wrong number?
"No sir, Google bought the pizza store."
"Oh, alright then. I’d like to place an order please."
"Okay sir, do you want the usual?"
"The usual? You know what my usual is?"
"According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust."
"Okay, that’s what I want this time too."
"May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?"
"No, I hate vegetables."
"But your cholesterol is not good."
"How do you know?"
"Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years."
"You know what, I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and everyone else having all my information! I'm going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me!"
"I understand sir. But you may want to renew your passport... it expired 5 weeks ago."