Category: Microsoft Jokes

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Ranking: 3.74 / 70
If Microsoft Built Cars 

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too. 
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats. 
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5 percent of the roads. 
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower. 
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light. 
8. The air bag system would say, "are you sure?" before going off. 
9. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened. 
Thanks to: Arsen Vladimirsky - Chicago - IL - USA.
rec.:Feb/26/2000    pub.:Feb/26/2000    sent:Feb/26/2000

Ranking: 3.12 / 141
Did you hear about the two radio antennas that got married?
The wedding was terrible, but the reception was excellent!
Thanks to: Sharon - Seattle - Washington - USA.
rec.:Mar/26/2002    pub.:Mar/29/2002    sent:Apr/1/2014

Ranking: 2.93 / 183
Explanation of Microsoft computer messages

It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error
no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in correct side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: ".... Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."
Thanks to: Andrew Bush - Weymouth - United Kingdom
rec.:Jan/10/2005    pub.:Jan/13/2005    sent:Mar/2/2015

Ranking: 2.43 / 145
Overheard: Bill Gates talking with one of his financial advisor's...
Bill says, "You did what with my 150 million dollars? I said Snapple, not Apple!"
Thanks to: Matt - IL - USA.
rec.:Sep/8/1999    pub.:Sep/8/1999    sent:Apr/27/2008

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