Category: Computer Jokes

A man calls technical support for his computer.
(M = Man)
(T = Technical support)
M: Ok, the screen is blue and it says windows has been shut down because an error has been detected.
T: All right, press ctrl alt delete.
M: Now what?
T: Does it say press any key to continue?
M: Yeah, why?
T: Well, lets see, hmm.....PRESS IT!!!!
M: Wait let me find it first.
T: Just Press Any Key!!!
M: I'M TRYING TO FIND IT...!
T: When it says any key it means to press ANY key...
M: Oh wait. I found it he he...
T: What does it say now?
M: Sorry the 'Any' key you have pressed does not exist, please click any key.
T: Well, what are you waiting for?
M: I'm still looking for it.
T: I though you found it?
M: Yeah I did but the 'any' it was spelt 'enee' now its spelt 'any'
T: ..."

Mr. R.B. Jones applied for a position with the government and was accepted. On his first day the personnel dept processed his records. When asked what the R.B. stood for he informed the clerk that they stood for nothing. His parents had named him with the initials only.
The clerk informed him that his records could not show initials only so they typed his name as R. (only) B. (only) Jones. He got his first paycheck made out to Ronly Bonly Jones!

The best part about computers is that they make very fast, specific mistakes.

If Operating Systems were beer..
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

Windows 95 Beer:
You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.