A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show, a window was something you hated to clean, and ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend, and gig was something you did on stage for money; now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment, a program was a TV show, a cursor used profanity, and a keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age, a CD was a bank account.
Compress was something you did to the garbage, not something you did to a file, and if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire, hard drive was a long trip on the road, a mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocketknife, paste you did with glue, a web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash.
Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for a few hours until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.
They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers.
Satan was astonished. He stuttered, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckled. "Jesus Saves," he said.
Apparently, independent studies have discovered that the internet is an addictive agent which, they say, is just as powerful as drugs or alcohol.
However, researchers go on to say that the internet is actually much more dangerous than these addictive substances, since it is a terminal addiction.