computer jokes

Once you start playing with software you quickly become aware that each
software package has a revision code attached to it. It is obvious that
this revision code gives the sequence of changes to the product, but in
reality there's substantially more information available through the rev
code than that. This is a guide for interpreting the meaning of the
revision codes and what they actually signify.

1.0: Also known as "one point uh-oh", or "barely out of beta". We had
to release because the lab guys had reached a point of exhaustion and
the marketing guys were in a cold sweat of terror. We're praying that
you'll find it more functional than, say, a computer virus and that its
operation has some resemblance to that specified in the marketing copy.

1.1: We fixed all the killer bugs...

1.2: Uh, we introduced a few new bugs fixing the killer bugs and so we
had to fix them, too.

2.0: We did the product we really wanted to do to begin with. Mind you,
it's really not what the customer needs yet, but we're working on it.

2.1: Well, not surprisingly, we broke some things in making major
changes so we had to fix them. But we did a really good job of testing
this time, so we don't think we introduced any new bugs while we were
fixing these bugs.

2.2: Uh, sorry, one slipped through. One lousy typo error and you won't
believe how much trouble it caused!

2.3: Some jerk found a deep-seated bug that's been there since 1.0 and
wouldn't stop nagging until we fixed it!!

3.0: Hey, we finally think we've got it right! Most of the customers
are really happy with this.

3.1: Of course, we did break a few little things.

4.0: More features. It's doubled in size now, by the way, and you'll
need to get more memory and a faster processor ...

4.1: Just one or two bugs this time ... Honest!

5.0: We really need to go on to a new product, but we have an installed
base out there to protect. We're cutting the staffing after this.

6.0: We had to fix a few things we broke in 5.0. Not very many, but
it's been so long since we looked at this thing we might as well call it
a major upgrade. Oh, yeah, we added a few flashy cosmetic features so we
could justify the major upgrade number.

6.1: Since I'm leaving the company and I'm the last guy left in the lab
who works on the product, I wanted to make sure that all the changes
I've made are incorporated before I go. I added some cute demos, too,
since I was getting pretty bored back here in my dark little corner (I
kept complaining about the lighting but they wouldn't do anything).
They're talking about obsolescence planning but they'll try to keep
selling it for as long as there's a buck or two to be made. I'm leaving
the bits in as good a shape as I can in case somebody has to tweak them,
but it'll be sheer luck if no one loses them.

The Creation of the PC

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte.
And from those he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.

3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened.
And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places.
And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said - Let the computers be,
so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and
compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet.
But God created programs; small and big... And told them:
Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

6. And God said - I will create the Programmer;
And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers
and programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center;
And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said
You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.

8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone.
He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that
would look up at the Programmer, and admire the Programmer, and love the
things the Programmer does;
And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it
was Good.

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God.
And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any
programs ?

11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program
and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you
did not even try?
The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God.
You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your
mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use.
And the User saw that any knowledge was useless since Windows could
replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer;
and said to the Programmer that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers.
And God asked him - What are you looking for?
And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I
can not find them in the DOS.
And God said - Who told you that you need drivers? Did you run Windows?
And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !

16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by
all the creatures.
And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell
Windows.

17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows
will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to
use lousy programs;
and you will always rely on the Programmers help.

18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User
you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will
have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and
secured it with a password.

20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT

The man who invented autocorrect has died. His funfair is next Monkey.

Do you know the song "Yesterday"? Then sing along to this computer version.

Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me. The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong. What it was I could not say.

Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay, now I believe in yesterday.